A DAD'S EXPERIENCE OF HAVING A DOULA
My name is Joe and I’m a father of a 3 year old boy and a brand new weeks-old girl. During the first birth it was just me and my wife present, at the second we had the ‘help’ (a huge understatement) of Emily from about 15 weeks, throughout the labour and delivery, and we are still in touch now. I wanted to write this primarily to attempt to dispel any concerns or myths a father-to-be (or mother) has regarding using a doula, but I hope it is helpful for anyone considering Emily’s help in the weeks and months to come.
The birth of our first child was traumatic for a number of reasons, many completely unavoidable and purely as a result of the situation we found ourselves in at the time. This hugely affected Mum and baby and I guess to a lesser extent me as Dad- the only non-medical support present throughout the labour and delivery. The care from the midwives and doctors was incredible, but emotionally and physically there is a lot of emphasis on you as the sole birth partner in what can be a very unfamiliar and stressful environment in our case. There are obviously arrangements that need making, logistics to worry about, classes to remember (what does that term mean, what are the pro’s and cons of that? etc. etc.), potentially treatment or complications to discuss, people to contact, and that is before even getting to focus on the important part- supporting your partner. All in all it can be a lot to process and stay on top of, regardless of how calm and controlled you think you are under pressure- particularly if things don’t go quite as you hoped.
At first I was reticent about involving doulas in the birth of our second child. I think this was down to 2 things- misconceptions of what doulas actually are and a false impression that they would somehow ‘step on my toes’ or infringe on my role as the father or ‘protector’ figure. Thankfully my wife persevered with gentle persuasion, nudging me in the right direction and we contacted Emily and Reba. Emily and Reba visited our home shortly after we got in contact and explained what they could offer so we could decide what we wanted and potentially compare their services to those of other Doulas. After enjoying our first meeting and getting on really well, we decided to enlist Emily and Reba’s help.
We met a number of times prior to the birth of our baby girl. These sessions included Hypnobirthing techniques, massage, birth preparation and a host of other topics that all helped put us at ease and feel well prepared for the arrival. They took the time to meet our son and dog, and look around the house in case more practical help was needed as we don’t have any family locally. They even offered to help with child and pet care if our family couldn’t get there in time. We also sat down as a group with our midwife present which was hugely helpful and ensured everyone knew each other earlier in the pregnancy.
When my wife’s waters broke, we immediately informed Emily who all along had been available 24/7 for support. As the day went on she came to our house for some massage and hypnobirthing which was a great comfort and helped ensure that my partner was as relaxed as possible overnight. We eventually called her again at 3am and she was with us until late that afternoon after the delivery. I could go into endless detail about the help and support Emily gave us throughout the labour but I’ll try to summarise it in a few lines below. Practical aspects like the support during the the 40 minute car journey (Emily being sat in the back while I concentrated on driving safely was invaluable- it’s harder than you think to focus on the road!) to helping with food/drink and setting the delivery room up during the labour were never too much hassle for her. Having time to talk through medical issues with the staff would have been much harder had she not been there to ‘stand in’ for me when I wanted to get more information or talk through options without unnecessarily worrying my partner or distracting her during the labour.
Having that extra person there with all the birth knowledge and experience they bring is incredible. There were a number of times during the labour when a fresh approach really helped and Emily suggested a number of things that made the whole experience a far more positive one for all of us. Clearly I’m not saying that our boy’s labour and delivery would necessarily have been any different with a doula present. Sometimes these things just happen. You just have to do the best you can for your partner and baby at the time and rest assured that the medical care provided by the NHS is second to none if you end up needing it to a greater extent than anticipated. Saying that I truly believe that having Emily’s guidance and help in the weeks beforehand, and her being alongside us on the day, had a huge part to play in the positive experience that was our little girl’s birth.
Whilst no one can promise a straightforward birth, Emily contributed hugely towards making the birth as stress-free as possible. Ultimately this meant that mum could concentrate on the task in hand and I could do what she needed the most- be there close to her and provide support, worrying less about forgetting details and logistics. We genuinely can’t thank Emily enough for her support and look forward to staying in touch for years to come.
Thank you to Joe for his words. I was booked with Reba Guest (we offer shared care together) and it was me who was on call, the day labour began.
Beautiful photos below shared by Joe and his wife.
The birth of our first child was traumatic for a number of reasons, many completely unavoidable and purely as a result of the situation we found ourselves in at the time. This hugely affected Mum and baby and I guess to a lesser extent me as Dad- the only non-medical support present throughout the labour and delivery. The care from the midwives and doctors was incredible, but emotionally and physically there is a lot of emphasis on you as the sole birth partner in what can be a very unfamiliar and stressful environment in our case. There are obviously arrangements that need making, logistics to worry about, classes to remember (what does that term mean, what are the pro’s and cons of that? etc. etc.), potentially treatment or complications to discuss, people to contact, and that is before even getting to focus on the important part- supporting your partner. All in all it can be a lot to process and stay on top of, regardless of how calm and controlled you think you are under pressure- particularly if things don’t go quite as you hoped.
At first I was reticent about involving doulas in the birth of our second child. I think this was down to 2 things- misconceptions of what doulas actually are and a false impression that they would somehow ‘step on my toes’ or infringe on my role as the father or ‘protector’ figure. Thankfully my wife persevered with gentle persuasion, nudging me in the right direction and we contacted Emily and Reba. Emily and Reba visited our home shortly after we got in contact and explained what they could offer so we could decide what we wanted and potentially compare their services to those of other Doulas. After enjoying our first meeting and getting on really well, we decided to enlist Emily and Reba’s help.
We met a number of times prior to the birth of our baby girl. These sessions included Hypnobirthing techniques, massage, birth preparation and a host of other topics that all helped put us at ease and feel well prepared for the arrival. They took the time to meet our son and dog, and look around the house in case more practical help was needed as we don’t have any family locally. They even offered to help with child and pet care if our family couldn’t get there in time. We also sat down as a group with our midwife present which was hugely helpful and ensured everyone knew each other earlier in the pregnancy.
When my wife’s waters broke, we immediately informed Emily who all along had been available 24/7 for support. As the day went on she came to our house for some massage and hypnobirthing which was a great comfort and helped ensure that my partner was as relaxed as possible overnight. We eventually called her again at 3am and she was with us until late that afternoon after the delivery. I could go into endless detail about the help and support Emily gave us throughout the labour but I’ll try to summarise it in a few lines below. Practical aspects like the support during the the 40 minute car journey (Emily being sat in the back while I concentrated on driving safely was invaluable- it’s harder than you think to focus on the road!) to helping with food/drink and setting the delivery room up during the labour were never too much hassle for her. Having time to talk through medical issues with the staff would have been much harder had she not been there to ‘stand in’ for me when I wanted to get more information or talk through options without unnecessarily worrying my partner or distracting her during the labour.
Having that extra person there with all the birth knowledge and experience they bring is incredible. There were a number of times during the labour when a fresh approach really helped and Emily suggested a number of things that made the whole experience a far more positive one for all of us. Clearly I’m not saying that our boy’s labour and delivery would necessarily have been any different with a doula present. Sometimes these things just happen. You just have to do the best you can for your partner and baby at the time and rest assured that the medical care provided by the NHS is second to none if you end up needing it to a greater extent than anticipated. Saying that I truly believe that having Emily’s guidance and help in the weeks beforehand, and her being alongside us on the day, had a huge part to play in the positive experience that was our little girl’s birth.
Whilst no one can promise a straightforward birth, Emily contributed hugely towards making the birth as stress-free as possible. Ultimately this meant that mum could concentrate on the task in hand and I could do what she needed the most- be there close to her and provide support, worrying less about forgetting details and logistics. We genuinely can’t thank Emily enough for her support and look forward to staying in touch for years to come.
Thank you to Joe for his words. I was booked with Reba Guest (we offer shared care together) and it was me who was on call, the day labour began.
Beautiful photos below shared by Joe and his wife.
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